Today you called upon Congress to move quickly to amend
the US Constitution, and set in Federal stone a legal
definition of marriage. I would like to know why.
In your speech, you stated that this Amendment would
serve to protect marriage in America, which I must
confess confuses me. Like you, I believe in the
importance of marriage and I feel that we as a society
take the institution far too lightly. In my circle of
family, friends and acquaintances, the vast majority have
married and divorced - some more than once. Still, I
believe in marriage. I believe that there is something
fundamental about finding another person on this planet
with whom you want to build a life and family, and make
a positive contribution to society. I believe that we
need more positive role models for successful marriage in
this country - something to counteract the images we get
bombarded with in popular culture. When we are assaulted
with images of celebrities of varying genres, be it
actors, sports figures, socialites, or even politicians
who shrug marriage on and off like the latest fashion, it
is vitally important to the face of our nation, for our
children and our future, that we have a balance of
commitment and fidelity with which to stave off the
negativity. I search for these examples to show my own
daughter, so that she can see that marriage is more than
a disposable whim, despite overwhelming evidence to the
contrary.
As a father, I'm sure you have faced these same concerns
and difficulties in raising your own daughters. Therefore
I can also imagine that you must understand how thrilled
I have been over the past few weeks to come home and turn
on the news with my family. To finally have concrete
examples of true commitment, honest love , and steadfast
fidelity was such a relief and a joy. Instead of speaking
in the hypothetical, I was finally able to point to these
men and women, standing together for hours in the pouring
rain, and tell my child that this is what its all about.
Forget Britney. Forget Kobe. Forget Strom. Forget about
all the people that we know who have taken so frivolously
the pure and simple beauty of love and tarnished it so
consistently. Look instead at the joy in the beautiful
faces of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon - 51 years together!
I mean, honestly Mr. President - how many couples do you
know who are together for 51 years? I'm sure you agree
that this love story provides a wonderful opportunity to
teach our children about the true meaning and value of
marriage. On the steps of San Francisco City Hall, rose
petals and champagne, suits and veils, horns honking and
elation in the streets; a celebration of love the likes
of which this society has never seen.
This morning, however, my joy turned to sadness, my
relief transformed into outrage, and my peace became
anger. This morning, I watched you stand before this
nation and belittle these women, the thousands who stood
with them, and the countless millions who wish to follow
them. How could you do that, Mr. President? How could you
take something so beautiful - a clear and defining
example of the true nature of commitment - and declare it
to be anything less? What is it that validates your
marriage which somehow doesn't apply to Del Martin and
Phyllis Lyon? By what power, what authority are you so
divinely imbued that you can stand before me and this
nation and hold their love to a higher standard?
Don't speak to me about homosexuality, Mr. President.
Don't tell me that the difference lies in the bedroom. I
would never presume to ask you or your wife how it is you
choose to physically express your love for one another,
and I defy you to stand before Del Martin and Phyllis
Lyon and ask them to do the same. It is none of my
business, as it is none of yours, and it has nothing to
do with the "sanctity of marriage". I'm sure you would
agree that marriage is far more than sexual-expression,
and it's high time we all started focusing on all the
other aspects of a relationship which hold it together
over the course of a lifetime. Therefore, with the
mechanics of sex set aside, I ask you again - what makes
a marriage? I firmly believe that whatever definition you
derive, there are thousands upon thousands of shining
examples for you to embrace.
You want to protect marriage. I admire and support that,
Mr. President. Together, as a nation, let us find and
celebrate examples of what a marriage should be.
Together, let us take couples who embody the principles
of commitment, fidelity, sacrifice and love, and hold
them up before our children as role models for their own
futures. Together, let us reinforce the concept that love
is about far more than sex, despite what popular culture
would like them to believe.
Please, for the sake of our children, for the sake of
our society, for the sake of our future, do not take us
down this road. Under the guise of protection, do not
support divisiveness. Under the guise of unity, do not
endorse discrimination. Under the guise of sanctity, do
not devalue commitment. Under the guise of democracy, do
not encourage this amendment.
Bette Midler
